Monday, November 27, 2006

Looking around

Sometimes I feel like playing a game. A game called "looking around", wherein I do precisely what the name suggests. I look around myself. Look at the people, their joys, their woes, their highs, their lows (My Fair lady anyone?), their pains, their sorrow .... A major aspect of the game being that I am not emotionally attached to any one of them. Their pains dont hurt me nor make me want to help them. Their joys dont make me jealous of them....more like watching a TV serial..only with the characters being real human beings and the story being their real lives.

In the game, I have the power to read their minds.. to know exactly what they are thinking. I have the knowledge to decide what is the best step for them to take....But I dont tell them what is good for them. And therein lies the pleasure(sadistic some might think!!)...To let them act in the way they wish to....To laugh and scorn at their wrong decisions, to applaud the correct ones...Doing all of this silently...not to let them know that they are being used for my entertainment! To let them think that there is actually a purpose to their lives..while the only purpose they serve is to provide me with an occasional diversion!

And then I think that I am not powerful enough to play this game....perhaps this game is not meant for me! But what if God(!!) created us because he felt a sudden, impulsive urge to "look around"! I wonder if this really was the purpose we human beings served, and if we knew many of us would then like to take the pains of actually living through the whole of our lives!!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The dream

She woke up with a start and looked around for a diverson in order to forget about the terrible dream. It was a pleasant day and she liked the way in which rays of the sun fell on the walls, on the mirrors...getting reflected around.. making picturesque patterns. Holding his picture to her bosom, she sat down thinking of the beautiful time they spent together, until the day he went away. Went away just like that.. did not even bother to say a few words to her. But she was particularly optimistic that he would come back today. She decided to cook some chicken with thick gravy....She started preparing it..half smiling to herself thinking of his reaction on finding his favourite dish prepared to celebrate his return...

Not once did she think of complaining about his absence...or about the way in which he left her. So much was her dedication towards him, that the idea of his coming back seemed to alleviate all pain. She was ready to leave her past behind...and start all over again. While the chicken was getting cooked, she decided to prepare some halwa.. he loved it so much! It would be a perfect day.. She sat down by the window and looked outside...waiting for him to return...remembering the old times. Lost in the thoughts, time flew for her...and soon the sun was about to set. In a way she was like the evening in her life after pleasant period of daylight which she had spent in his company!! She felt hungry.... reluctantly ate some of the food...and came back to sit by the window...

Soon it was dark and she fell asleep by the window. And then she was the exact same dream that she dreamt again and again after he had left! She dreamt of a normal day in her life....he was supposed to return that day from one of hs official visits! She prepared the chicken and the halwa....and went to the market to buy some grocery. It was on her way back that she saw him sitting on the backseat of a black mercedes, embracing a lady and fondling her with lust in his eyes. And then it was all in frames..not a continuous dream.....she could see herself in agony...too dumbfounded to cry!! She then recieved him with all love and tenderness when he came back.. and when he was finally asleep...that knife and those multiple stabs...were enough to lay him to sleep for ever. And she buried him in the backyard !!

This was more than she could take and she woke up with a start....Beads of sweat all over her face!! What if the dream is actually the truth, she thought to herself. No can't be!! She loved him so much....such things don't happen to happy couples! Certainly she had been watching lots of thrillers of late and it was all because of that.....She looked out of the window and once again hope seemed to make her forget all about the terrible dream! He would certainly come back today....and she got down to work again! She never cared enough about the dream to look into the backyard, where the mud was still loose because of all the digging that she once did in order to bury him!!